Sharon Kirk
I started writing this blog as a way to express the myriad feelings (good, bad, and ugly) that came up as Robert’s dementia progressed. This disease has made me question my place in the world, my marriage, and my way of being and interacting with the people I love. I’m not a writer by training, but I hope these sometimes sad, sometimes funny, always heartfelt stories will speak to you.
The names of my children have been changed in these stories to give them the privacy to process their father’s disease in their own time and on their own terms. While we share the physical experience of his decline, our relationships with Robert are our own. Each of them is unique. (Of course, if you happen to know us, personally, you’ll make quick work of my pseudonyms.)
If you are caring for a loved one with dementia, may you find a bit of grace in your days. If you have a story to tell, please tell it. It is critical that our voices be heard. Dementia is devastating to families, and it is a burden that cannot easily be laid down. By 2030 it is estimated that 9 million people in the US will have dementia. By 2050 that number will grow to 12 million (PRB.org). Let’s end it.
6 things I’ve learned since my husband died
Three weeks ago, I learned that a friend’s brother-in-law had been admitted to hospice after a years-long battle with Alzheimer’s disease. I burst into tears. Her simple statement caused my…
My husband’s funeral unburdened my soul
My kitchen counter was a beautiful mess of pink, white, red, yellow, and orange flowers, tissue paper, and ribbons. My sister, Elizabeth, and I assembled simple bouquets of roses, baby’s…
Relinquishing my husband’s body
Fatima, the lead nurse at Robert’s care home, called to tell me that Robert had died.
I stood stock-still in the middle of my living room, stunned into silence. My…
The day my husband died
This story was originally published on October 23, 2023.
My dear, sweet husband, Robert, has passed away. Our story, our dementia journey , is incomplete; there is so much more…
Navigating hospice intake for my husband
Phone to my ear, I tread the floor from the couch to the dining table, mindlessly placing each foot heel-to-toe in the 12-inch parquet tiles as though on a balance…
Letting Go: Part 3 – When it’s time for hospice
Today Dr. Chang referred Robert to hospice.
The black vomit of four months ago returned . When I asked him yesterday, Robert said that he felt fine, he just needed…
How dating brought me back to my husband
I started dating while my husband, Robert, was in memory care. It surprised me how getting out into the world again positively impacted my relationship with him. I had been…
Letting Go: Part 2 – It’s time for palliative care
Robert’s dementia has provided me with an early education in healthcare topics I’d just as soon have waited to learn: everything from the symptoms and diagnosis of frontotemporal dementia and…
How to cut an onion without crying
Since we started dating , Will and I had gone out to eat more times than was good for either our budgets or our waistlines, so one day in late…
Letting Go: Part 1 – Black vomit
Overnight Robert threw up black vomit at 3 am and 5 am. I learned about this when I arrived to visit him today. Elysia said they were just about to…